At this point in the trip, I’ve realized that I should describe a little trick I use when eating in foreign lands. I’ve labeled this “chewy vegetable”.

First of all, start with beer. Order a LARGE beer whenever possible.This food was really good, by the way!

After you have finished your first beer, feel free to order your food. Also go ahead and order another beer because it becomes important in the middle phase of this. When your food comes, you are probably well into your second beer and feeling very adventurous so dig in!

Now, usually there is nothing to be concerned about and the food is fine but there are times when you simply can’t identify the food you are eating. Take my advice and stop trying to identify the food. You should know at this point if it tastes good so if it does, isn’t that enough?

Ok, the taste is great but somehow your food reminds you of the video of your last colonoscopy. Never fear, what you are eating is simply a chewy vegetable! Repeat this to yourself many times until you are convinced. After all, for most people a vegetable is much less of a challenge then an unidentified part of an unknown animal.

Congrats, you are now eating a rather tasty chewy vegetable.

Trust me, your search for knowledge should end here.

Simply accept chewy vegetable and move on.

If you can not, perhaps beer number three will get your mind off of it. Do not proceed to beer number four until you know that you will no longer try to identify said chewy vegetable. If you attempt identification, you may wish you had not had so much beer.

And if Louis Lane can handle not knowing a true identity, so can you.

If you simply MUST know the identity of Chewy, take a page from the horror movie industry: things are much less scary in the daytime. Perhaps asking the next morning is a good plan.

Paul Bergman
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